Dr. Who Is A Woman? Fuck’s Sake NO

Oh, what great timing BBC. What a time for the Timelord to have a sex change seeing as the whole fucking world is at it at the moment. I’m going to put a bet on at Ladbrokes that the new side kick will pe a pan-sexual, transgender martian with tattoos and those massive, smelly ear hole piercings. 

My First Date – Continued

“Listen, dickhead. I am all for skipping this charade, writing this via email and going home early but I was promised a date. So let’s fucking have one.”

Lads – I Only Need Rescuing If I’m Trapped Down A well

The funny thing is, these men who want to rescue you (from dragons? I don’t know) are usually the ones who will walk through a door first and then let it swing back in your face, or the ones who never put their hands in their pockets when it’s their round.

My First Date – by Cookie, aged 37 and a Half.

“Can’t do I’m afraid. I’ve only ever had ‘relationships’ with pricks who were either too skint to leave the house or didn’t like me enough to actually spend a couple of hours alone with me without back-up”

“And What Do You Do?” “Oh, Me? I’m A Twat.”

Fuck. I am at an event and some bastard has introduced me to another person. I was quite happy standing in the corner inhaling the canapés and taking full advantage of the free booze and texting my friends, but now I have to talk.

Katie Hopkins, Meet Me, The Benefit Scumbag

Actually, I think I would have looked down on someone like me. I would have thought they were stupid, feckless, they should have planned their life better. Those fat scumbags who eat oven chips from Iceland and live off government handouts.

Tips On Dating Old Ladies

She’s got stretch marks from those bastard children and the weight gain and loss, a saggy tummy from the cesarian overhang and wobbly thighs because she prefers sitting on her arse in the pub eating chips to moving around.

Tips For New Bloggers From A Total BlogCunt

“Bugger,” you think, as you look at all the Instagram photos of the big bloggers with their shite blogs and whiny children getting free holidays, “if only I had thought of standing in front of brightly coloured walls wearing Topshop five years ago, that could’ve been me”.