Selling Your Virginity

I’d sell mine.

Okay, so as the two children and the caesarean scars they left behind would attest to, the virginity ship has long said for me. But how about selling your virginity to the highest bidder?

Obviously, this means mainly women selling their virginity. No woman is going to pay to take take a fumbling, 21 year old male’s virginity, unless someone who has no clue about sex, bar wanking over porn hub in a dimly lit room surrounded by Lord of the Rings collectables does it for you.

This girl is selling hers for millions.

I gave mine away for free to a dickhead called Jamie in a damp tent at Reading Festival 1995. It was shit, as losing your virginity at 15 to your inexperienced, lanky, 17 year old boyfriend always will be. I feel like I shafted myself a bit there. I was very drunk on cheap cider so I can’t remember much, but I do remember feeling utterly underwhelmed afterwards. And I had saddled myself with a love sick, skinny, not that attractive boyfriend who stalked me for three years afterwards. So all in all, it wasn’t the best decision I have ever made.

Why didn’t I think about selling mine?

Well for a start there was only crappy internet back in the dark ages of the mid nineties; I don’t reckon I would have got much cash for my hymen via advertising in the Slough Gazette. I totally would have done though, and why not?

Seriously, I don’t have a problem with this at all. Yes, it objectifies women, yes, it makes something as daft as fucking for the first time into something that can be bought and sold but who is the one who is being taken advantage of here?

Is it the woman who is selling her virginity to a wealthy man or the man who is paying for it?

It’s the man, of course it is. He’s paying for a ridiculous thing. Yes, he’s probably a raging misogynist who has the gaul to think that a woman’s virginity is such a precious commodity that he, the highest bidder, gets to ‘take’ it.

Which is a ridiculous concept anyway, don’t you think?

“Taking a woman’s virginity” If you think about how that sounds for a second, don’t you think it’s all very medieval and laughable?

It makes me think of chastity belts and Alan Rickman as the Sheriff in ‘Prince of Thieves’.

Which also makes me think that selling your virginity isn’t such a kick in the balls to feminism. Does it objectify women, or does it just highlight the fact that some men are so stupid, full of ego and brain dead that they would actually pay millions for what has the potential to be, a pretty awkward experience?

Isn’t there a part of you that thinks, “well, if they want to part with three million quid that’s their look out”?

When I posted about it on Facebook, I had a barrage of private messages, mainly asking me that if I had a daughter, would I want her to sell her virginity one day?

What a daft question. Of course I wouldn’t. I do have a daughter and are many things that I don’t want her to do in life. It’s a bloody long list to be honest and it includes many of the things that I have done.

Of course if she called me from University as a skint student, I would tell her not to sell her virginity to the highest bidder. I’d go crazy, shout, cry, tell her she was worth more than some arrogant, narcissistic, parasite who thought he could buy her (as an aside, I’d be quite happy that she hadn’t shagged some chump of a boy by the time she was at university).

I never want my daughter to do anything dangerous. I wouldn’t want her to skydive, bungee jump, walk home pissed in the dark, talk to strangers, go out with a boy who is emotionally unstable and who will stalk her, become a Tory – the list goes on and on.

It’s pretty much an endless list because a) I love my daughter with every cell in my body and I want her to be safe and b) I did what I was programmed to and procreated – I must protect my DNA going forward at all costs – that is inbuilt in all of us.

Of course, I don’t care what your daughter does. I’ll let you worry about that.




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