Random Places My Toddlers Have Shit
No, I am not one of those insane people who has children close together, or God forbid, multiple births. I am currently on my second toddler, the first one now being a teenager who thankfully hasn’t shit his pants in a decade. These days, I have another little urchin who seems to have followed in the footsteps of her older brother and has a a love affair with all things fecal. What can I say: I grow oddballs.
They have both let their bowels flow free in some very embarrassing places over the years. leaving me completely mortified and themselves completely oblivious to the horror they have caused.
As toddlers, my children laugh in the face of toilets.
While going down a tube slide
Well, that was a fun day at soft play. Always listen to a child who say their tummy feels bubbly: They may be gearing up for explosive diarrhoea.
My son was three and just in pants when it happened. While I was trying to scramble to him through the soft play climbing frame as he sat at the top of the slide crying that he didn’t feel well, the child behind him gave him a shove. Down he went leaving a stinking brown trail behind him.
“Ooo, that’s better” he said when he reached the bottom.
In a padding pool
“Just let her go in with no clothes on, it will be fine!”
It wasn’t fine.
Everyone there could tell she really loved strawberries.
On a trampoline
When my daughter was around 2, she would shit herself with excitement.
Going on a proper trampoline for the very first time as it turns out, is very exciting.
It’s just a shame that her nappy had fallen off with the vigorous bouncing around before hand. The first inkling that something was wrong was the screaming from older children sharing the trampoline. They came out of the enclosure covered in my daughters shit.
That was the first and last time we were invited to my bosses house for a barbecue.
In the oven
Well, he shit onto a baking tray and put it in the oven because I said we didn’t have time to bake a cake.
I found it two days later.
“Is it ready, Mummy?” He asked as I tried not to vomit on the kitchen floor.
On the cat
One of my cats adores my toddler and follows her around like she is the Master of the Universe.
She was aiming for the potty, but some of it ended up on the unfortunate felines back.
He still loves her, which says a lot about his devotion: If someone shit on me, that would be it for our friendship.