Yep. seven minutes.
That’s how long my relationship with Tinder lasted before I deleted it.
I only downloaded the stupid app because someone I really fancy couldn’t make it out at the last minute and I ended up drinking with a friend instead, who’s love affair with Tinder know no bounds.
She’s met twenty pretty decent men on it over the past year and while none of them have worked out long term (most of them were just fun nights out and that would suit me fine), she told me to join too.
And in a fit of “oh my god, I’m old and fat and shit and nobody wants me” self pity, I did.
Here’s what I learned:
Tinder isn’t for me
I knew this before I signed up for it.
Every boyfriend I have ever had has been met in whatever was my local pub at the time.
Beer goggles are my friend – I don’t need the internet to find a man.
Or maybe I do now that I am older, and to put it a nice way, a little bit past my best?
Or maybe Tinder is for me because …
I did some swiping. Just half heartedly.
And I think I did it the wrong way because I’m a bit thick and I was on my fourth pint.
But I got five matches.
I think this is good because my friend got all huffy at me and stomped off outside for a fag.
We were already sitting outside smoking so she must have been really pissed off.
People are strange
I will admit to having looked at the odd Tinder bio by way of my friends app in the past. It passes the time on long car journeys.
Some of them are awful. I don’t care that you like cooking. Earning 100k doesn’t impress me. Yes, you’ve travelled – well done love, me too.
I don’t know what makes a good Tinder profile but I know one thing: if you have to mention what you earn or that you do yoga everyday, it’s shit.
However, ones like this make me laugh. If she’d been a man, I would have gone for him:
So that’s it.
Me and Tinder are over.
I know I didn’t learn that much, but I was on it for seven minuets, give me a break. I am going to stick with the pub I think, because if no one is interested in me, at least I can get drunk and then get chips on the way home.