Oh Beth, you cunt.
There is a woman in Kentucky (in the US, not the chicken shop), who is a massive cunt.
I know this because over the course of the past few hours, I have had twenty six emails from her regarding this post which was featured on the Huffington Post Entertainment page yesterday.
The most cunty thing about those emails was the fact that everytime my phone pinged, I was expecting it to be Keanu, taking me up on my offer of a drink at the Forester and Fish and Chips at Andy’s after.
I’ve worked for 15 years as a script editor and copy writer, so I have had my fair share of people tell me that they don’t like my writing style and they don’t think we would be a good fit to work together. That’s okay. What isn’t okay is when people act like stalky wankers and just wont leave it.
That was Beth. Twenty six emails telling me how awful I am, progressively getting more and more personal until she started mentioning my children – a fact which has put me off submitting anything written under my own name again that can be easily traced back to this blog by clicking the ‘read more of my work here’ link.
Twenty five of those shitty, increasingly mental emails were replied to with different versions of this photo :
I feel a crying Gwynnie says ‘piss off’ better than words.
But the last one, where she said she would find out where I live was responded to with: “I am blocking you now, please never contact me again or I will have to report you to the British Constabulary who will then inform Sheriff Woody, or who ever you have in Kentucky.”
I know, I know, I was being goady replying to those emails with photos of Gwyneth Paltrow, but a) I am childish, b) people like her are all fingers behind the keyboard and no action and c) considering that only 14% of American Citizens have passports, I think the odds are low of her flying into Heathrow anytime soon.
Plus, it’s not the worst threat I have ever had over something I have written, so it doesn’t matter too much in the cold light of day.
So, well done Beth – you succeeded in pissing me off and have made me reconsider writing under my own name, something I have only been comfortable with in the past six months for precisely this sort of shit. I might even scrap this blog altogether in case I attract more nutters like you over what was A JOKE POST.
Cheers for that, I hope you choke on a cheeseburger.