Now, I am not saying that my child is the antichrist. Obviously, I immediately checked her head for the mark of the beast the first time she threw an epic tantrum and projectile vomited all over the kitchen wall because I wouldn’t let her chew on the cat’s tail.
The character I hate more than anything though, is that fucking Mother squirrel.
She lives up a tree, right? She could get an amazing Sky signal up there. But no, she has to live like it’s the middle ages.
It was only when I couldn’t ignore the huge, flapping red flags that I finally decided that enough was enough and that I couldn’t see him anymore, which was a charade in itself.
Oh, what great timing BBC. What a time for the Timelord to have a sex change seeing as the whole fucking world is at it at the moment. I’m going to put a bet on at Ladbrokes that the new side kick will pe a pan-sexual, transgender martian with tattoos and those massive, smelly ear hole piercings.
This is why I have no luck with men. I get drunk and say stupid lines that I have stolen from cheerleader films.
“What someone’s genitals look like when they are born doesn’t actually give us an accurate indication of who they will be.” (Fucks sake, that ‘tash is doing you no favours,… Read more I Always Wanted To Be A Girl With A Beard →
“Listen, dickhead. I am all for skipping this charade, writing this via email and going home early but I was promised a date. So let’s fucking have one.”
The funny thing is, these men who want to rescue you (from dragons? I don’t know) are usually the ones who will walk through a door first and then let it swing back in your face, or the ones who never put their hands in their pockets when it’s their round.